A ministerial colleague of mine tells the following life story.  In his first marriage, he and his girlfriend wanted to surprise their parents.  They decided to have a totally catholic wedding.  Both were 18 when they went to visit the priest in Chicago.  He sat them down and interviewed them, asking  their age, what they wanted, etc.  Then he commented that since they wanted a catholic wedding, he would have to meet with each one individually, in private, and ask them ten questions.  The answers to those questions would determine whether or not they could be married by a priest in a Catholic ceremony.
 

He motioned to my friend and said, “I’ll take you first.”  They went to an inner room, where the priest closed the doors.  It was just my friend and the priest.  The priest began the questioning by asking if my friend were a devout Catholic.  My friend replied, “Well, not really.”  The priest then asked, somewhat surprisedly, if he went to Catholic school.  Again my friend had to think, and then replied, “no, I didn’t.”  The priest then asked….”well, tell me, are you Christian.”  My friend thought some more before replying “I cannot really say that I am Christian.”  The priest was becoming exacerbated by now.  Finally, he asked my friend “Well, do you try to live a moral life?”  My friend then smiled broadly and said, “Yes, I do.”  The priest breathed a sigh of relief and proclaimed, then you ARE a Roman Catholic!
 
This is a true story, and it reveals the machinations this priest had to go through to justify to himself and perhaps to his superiors his officiating at my colleague’s first wedding.  I would guess this same type of pattern may very well repeat itself among some Unitarian Universalist congregations also, as we struggle to affirm someone being a Unitarian Universalist for whatever reason.  After all, how many times have we said that someone is a closet Unitarian Universalist and they didn’t even know it?  I know that I for one have said it a number of times.  We say it jokingly, but is it true?  What exactly is a Unitarian Universalist?

I will attempt to answer that question in a bit in more detail, but initially I would say that a Unitarian Universalist is, first and foremost, someone who sees themselves as one.   There has to be a component of self identification in the final outcome.  My telling a devout Catholic that they are a Unitarian Universalist does nothing in terms of that person’s self understanding, commitment to our faith community, or religious identification with it.
 
I believe that both of these examples, that of the priest making my friend a Roman Catholic and that of a Unitarian Universalist proclaiming someone else being a closet Unitarian Universalist, reveal a need-based dynamic.  We are so anxious to grow, to increase the numbers in our faith, to include anyone who might be the least bit or even remotely interested, into our membership, that we forget that they must be the ones to claim it.  We cannot proclaim it for them.

The problem with our proclaiming it for them, as far as I see, is that it does not make for a very good or authentic member, regardless of the faith tradition espoused.  What does such a membership mean to them?  I would guess not much.  Sign a card, say yes to a few questions asked by a minister or priest, and you are a member.  I wonder if they will remember they are a member a month from then.
 

True, they may have an emotional attachment of belonging to a religious community.  But have they attended services in it, especially if they didn’t know they were a member until that moment?  Do their beliefs and values suddenly come into better alignment with those of the religious group?  Were those beliefs and values of the religious group and of the individual even checked out very deeply?
 
Unfortunately, I believe the answer to all of these questions is the same:  Probably not.
 
Even worse, such a need-based dynamic does not affirm the newly-joined faith tradition at all, nor does it affirm the individual well.  The need-based joining instead is likely to water the religious tradition down, making it lumpy, mushy, and poorly defined….a blended consistency of mush, if you will.  You can poke it with your finger, and it yields, much as the Pillsbury Dough Boy might yield.  You can squish it into a container, and it takes that shape  Yet, when you put it into a bowl, it changes its shape to that of the bowl.  If you shove it into a box, it will take the shape of a cube.  So what shape is it really?  Is it cylindrical, semi-spherical, or cubical?  The answer is that it is none of those.  It’s shape is really indeterminent and amorphous; it doesn’t have an inherent shape.  It is dependent upon its structural environment almost totally.

Now, is that how we want our religion to be?  Undefined, indeterminent, amorphous, dependent upon its environment for meaning, shape and purpose?  I hope not!  Such is a reactive religion, based upon its surroundings.

This is an especially important question for Unitarian Universalists.  Unitarian Universalism is non-creedal, which means that we do not have a specific creed or statement of beliefs to which we must confess to be a member.  Although we often say one can believe anything as a Unitarian Universalist….that is not really true.  The esteemed historian, the Rev. Dr. Earl Morse Wilbur,  identified that as a liberal religion we have valued throughout our history freedom, tolerance, and reason.  Those three values preclude certain other values and beliefs, such as bigotry and prejudice. As an aside, I would add that tolerance of intolerance should never masquerade as tolerance.  It is acceptance of bigotry, plain and simple.  But let us return to Unitarian Universalism.

As a congregation, we seek to live an examined life, one which is ethical and life affirming, one which is sensitive to the web of existence.  For these reasons, an out and out nihilist would have difficulty being a genuine Unitarian Universalist.

We encourage each other to explore our spirituality.  We affirm and nurture each other.  We historically have looked inward for spiritual guidance and direction. We do not believe that any given authority figure holds the truth, no pope, no bishop, no minister, no priest, no rabbi, and no Imam.  Similarly, while we acknowledge that the scriptures of various world religions may contain spiritual inspiration and deep truths, none has a monopoly on revelation.  As people of a liberal religious faith, we believe that spirituality continues to be revealed in the present day – in life happenings, in books, poetry, plays, and music.  Thus, some authoritarian types of people, who look for definitive leadership from external sources, would also  have trouble being members of a Unitarian Universalist community. They would be welcome, but they might have real difficulty with continuing revelation.  The fit would be poor, to say the least.

I am reminded of a true life story told by the Rev. Jennifer L. Bower, who is an interim minister at Community Church in Manhattan.  While she was visiting with a member of her congregation, she was asked if she would instruct the lady in how to become a religious or spiritual person.  The lady noted that her parents had not taught her to be one.  Jennifer’s mind flashed with all sorts of responses to offer the lady, but the reply that she believed most true – to quote from a little book on nurturing the spiritual lives of children – is that “we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a human experience.”

Jennifer noted  that admittedly, terms like “spiritual” and “religious” are somewhat difficult to define, as we have all struggled with them over the years.  Regardless of the definitions of each, we all hold our unique understandings of these words, and those interpretations carry both positive and negative connotations.  For this particular member of Jennifer’s community, being a religious person meant becoming someone other than who she is now.  When she looked into herself she did not see a “spiritual being.”  And she isn’t alone in that feeling.  How we experience the balance of the human and the spiritual in our lives is at the very heart of religious life and the crafting of religious community.

The author of that same “little book” Jennifer quoted from, the Rev. Jeanne Mieuwejaar, has also written, “there is a sacredness in our world and in our human condition, there is a holy, mysterious power and presence within and among us.  This holiness may be known in moments of exquisitely tender love or deep meditation.  It may be glimpsed in sunrise through the mist, felt as the down on a newborn’s head, and heard in the song of birds at dusk.  It may be manifested in the brilliance of new vision or selfless, sacrificial giving.  It may take the form of strength arising out of anguish or true dedication arising out of failure.”

I personally often find spirituality in meditation and in nature, hiking in the woods.  I would suggest that our day-to-day lives are the places where we experience religious and spiritual events, and our response to the demands of living is one form of spiritual practice.  There is no need for us to “learn” to be religious or spiritual beings, we need only to look within ourselves to find it, to be awake to that which is happening.

Jennifer also alluded to another feature of our religion of Unitarian Universalism that I believe really needs mentioning.  She used the term religious community.  Some of you may have periodically read in The World that Unitarian Universalism is a relational religion.  That means that truth usually lies somewhere between me and thee, or between points A and B when we disagree.  We relate to each other.  Indeed, we covenant not only with each other, but with other congregations in our movement.  None of us exists in isolation in our religious quest.  Both our ethics and our processes are relational.  They are covenantal.

Yes, it is true, for those people who view themselves as Unitarian Universalists and live in communities in which there is not a congregation, there is that which is called the Church of the Larger Fellowship.  One can join this church and subscribe to their publications, etc.  However, that still puts the individual, isolated Unitarian Universalist in relationship with others – through the U. S. Post Office.

When one reads the UUA covenant, one can immediately see the relational quality throughout it.  Indeed, it begins with the words “We covenant to affirm and promote….”

What does this mean – or more specifically, what is my point?  I believe that people cannot claim to be Unitarian Universalists and belong to no faith community.  At least not legitimately.  This challenge becomes obvious if one studies the evolution of our congregational polity.  Our understanding of polity stems from the original Mayflower Compact, an agreement entered into on the Mayflower by the Pilgrims before they landed.  Membership in the newly formed churches in the 1600s on American soil was defined by a covenant between the individual, the church, and God.  From the very beginning, membership in our faith was covenantal.  It has continued to evolve to what we have today.
I’ll go one step further……I don’t really believe that someone can be a member of a congregation without having some type of relationship with it and its members.  Relational means just that.  One is in relationship to others.  We are interdependent upon each other.  Without the interdependency, the web of relationships is broken.  One cannot sign a membership card, attend services for a while, and then disappear for several years, giving minimal amounts of money and still honestly view oneself as a member of a congregation or a Unitarian Universalist.  It just doesn’t work that way.  That is NOT covenantal.
 

Looking at our membership requirements for the Unitarian Universalist  Congregation at Rock Tavern, I see that there are several requirements to join but only one to remain a member.  To join, one must be 18 or older, be in sympathy with the principles, purposes and programs of the fellowship, and make a financial contribution which covers the dues assessment by the UUA and the Metro New York District of UUs.  That comes to about $60 annually in 2001.  Joining in essence requires two types of relationship – a sympathetic relationship with the principles and purposes of the fellowship, and a financial relationship to the fellowship.  To remain a member, however, one only must maintain the financial relationship.  Personally, I would question the requirement for membership maintenance.  We are more than paying $60.00 a year.

Some might feel this is being overly punitive, demanding or rigid in approach to membership.  They might see it as being quite exclusive and perhaps divisive.  It is not meant to be that way, not at all.  But it is meant to define honestly that which is Unitarian Universalism.  It is based upon an understanding of congregational life.  If someone does not attend meetings or services for an extended length of time, they will no longer know and understand the group or the issues under consideration by the congregation.  Similarly, members of the congregation will not know the missing “member.”  The relationship will be broken or non-existent.  At the very best, the relationship will be extremely marginal.

This is not meant to imply that we want to exclude someone.  Quite to the contrary!  I would hope that we welcome everyone who feels in alignment with our values to join us in membership.  However, if a person does not attend and is not involved much in the life of the congregation, we are only fooling each other about their membership.  They have excluded themselves.  We can ask them to rejoin us….but the decision is theirs to make, and I suggest strongly that it is not just a financial decision.

Again, our UU Covenant is relational in nature….as is membership in a congregation.

I believe that one of the reasons we are so eager to include people in our membership – even those who may not fit or qualify – is our desire to increase our numbers.  Many of us want to grow our congregations.  I know I sure do, for a variety of reasons.  First and foremost, I want to spread the word – the good news – if you will, of Unitarian Universalism.  About our values; about our affirmation of the possibilities of humanness and of life; about our striving for social justice.  I want us to grow.
 

There are several studies which indicate that the proven marketing techniques at which we continually strive, such as presenting a warm, friendly environment to newcomers and visitors; having name tags for everyone; having adequate parking spots in our parking lot, etc., they are all nice, but they are not critical to maintaining or increasing membership.  They may help get someone in the door and to feel comfortable, but they are NOT what keep people coming back to a congregation.  Nor are they the variables which make people want to join.

Instead, what keeps people coming back is a clearly articulated sense of what the group is about, what their mission to and in the world is, and whether or not the visitors can agree with and join in with that mission.  What really helps people to belong is having a clearly defined group to begin with.  An amorphous, gelatinous type of group does not encourage belonging, or at least not to any great depth of commitment.  Again, it is better to be clearly defined as to one’s purpose, intentions, and meanings. And this mission, this self definition, can vary between UU congregations.  It most certainly does not have to be the same.

I think many of us adults have seen this in terms of the dating scene.  I know when I was young, I felt needy and unsure of myself.  I wanted to be liked, but I was so fearful of not being liked, I hid anything about me that might be sharply delineated.  Not only did I hide things that would stick out like a sore thumb and maybe drive people away, I also hid  clearly identifying attributes that would reveal who and what I was about.  I feared rejection.  Ironically, those latter attributes are the very things that would attract people to me.  Hiding was self-defeating.  Gradually, with maturity, I learned just to be myself.  I can’t please everybody, and I cannot be everything to all people.  And then, a funny thing happened.   I discovered that I could attract people anyway.  In hiding myself, I found no one, and no one knew me.  In sharing myself and being real – I found friendship and companionship.  People really knew who I was.  Some liked me a lot.  So too for religious groups.

We need to know who and what we are about as a congregation.  We need to know our mission in the world, what our congregation is involved in, how we see ourselves.  We need to know what it means to be a Unitarian Universalist in the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of the Poconos.  We need to know and act on our values in our local congregation, in our communities, and in our country.  We need to know how we celebrate spirituality.  We have a good beginning…and are making progress, yet we still have more to do.

I believe it is reason to rejoice if we are clearly seen as Unitarian Universalists.  And I see no harm in not having everyone want to be a member.  Some people will never be Unitarian Universalists, and that is all right.  They may feel better in a Roman Catholic church, in a mosque or a temple, or perhaps in a Southern Baptist church.  Others may not want to be involved at all with us or any other faith community.  That too is all right.  And lastly, some may not want to be a member of our specific congregation but instead join another Unitarian Universalist community.  That too is acceptable.  Let us just be ourselves, clearly defined about who we are and how we relate to one another.

To return to the beginning and answer this morning’s question.  Is everyone a UU?  No, I do not believe that everyone is a Unitarian Universalist.  I don’t believe it is wise for everyone to be a UU.  And further, I don’t believe everyone could be a UU, even if they wanted to be.  They might end up being fake….and nothing is more disconcerting than a person with fake religion.

That doesn’t mean that I do not want us to grow.  I believe we can grow immensely.  We have something worthwhile to offer this world.  We offer the possibility of enlightened salvation, if you will, of living the examined life.  But we must guard against diluting ourselves, our mission, and our membership so much in the misguided quest to obtain members that we sell ourselves short.  We can grow, substantially so, but authentically so as well, with new members who really do believe in what we are about, who enter into a covenant with us.

To do so, to grow, we need your help in spreading the word, to your friends, to your neighbors, and to your coworkers.  Let them know about Unitarian Universalism.  Let them know about your congregation.  Let them know about you and your covenant.  Let them know about your beliefs and values.  In sharing yourself, you will find yourself.

This is what I think.  What do you think?

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